About Me

My photo
One move to America, one surprise pregnancy and a lot of fun later.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Confidence being sucked out with the breast milk

How is it that one can help run a multinational company and be responsible for hundreds of staff and be completely in control and confident but confront me with one 9 pound baby and all confidence and ability seems to fly out the window.

I am used to being in control - and I am sure you will find several members of my old staff that would call me controlling - no comment from Fay Johnston please!! Give me a new born baby and suddenly I am Mrs insecurity who cannot make a decision or statement with any confidence. I am lucky in that Hannah is a content baby who is regularly sleeping through the night already but I still have this insecurity over everything to do with her. Jarlath will tell you how much it is driving him mad as he is used to me being more decisive and confident.

I guess it is like any new skill or job where you have the bedding in period where you are not sure what you are doing. I can't imagine how I would feel if I had a fussy or colicky baby as I would probably just break down completely if that were the case.

I hope this is a natural feeling for all first time Mums and that it will go away over time. I am looking forward to our house move in a couple of weeks as I plan to join some local Mother and baby groups in our new area - I haven't bothered where we live at the moment because I am just about to move away. I hope this interaction with other Mums will take away a lot of my own anxiety and help to make new friends in the same position as myself.

Generally life is good and baby is doing well but I just wish I could shake these feelings of insecurity.

On the plus side Hannah got the all clear on a suspected hip problem from the Orthapedic surgeon today. We are also getting a visit from Grandma (my mother in law) in November, which I am really looking forward to as it is important to me that Hannah gets to know her one remaining Grandma. I don't have any family that will come and visit so it is very special to me the support I am receiving from my sister in law Alison and the visits we will get from other members of Jarlaths family.

Sorry the blog is a bit short and a bit negative but just trying to adjust to all these new emotions in my new role.

H Xx


  1. You are totally normal!!!! Moving and meeting other Mums (Moms?!) will help as you can sit and vent and compare - amazing how much that can help.

    Lots of love xx

  2. Control??Not much chance of that with a baby. Being a mum is NOT easy, but it sounds like you're doing fine. Believe me, she'll let you know if you're not!! Once you get to meet up with some other new mums you'll realise you're all experiencing the same things xxx

  3. I think everyone has those feelings, and they will go away, you just need to adjust and realise that there is no right or wrong. Hannah will let you know if you're doing it wrong. When I had Alan, I could only focus on a making it through the next few hours at any time, anything more and I became a basket case. Just relax and try to enjoy it, as the time really is very precious.
    Take care xx